Is there a reason for this pain, why can’t it just end, why the disappointment, discomfort and the long wait.
These are questions we have all asked ourselves in times of great suffering.
Our pain leaves us with more questions than answers. How do you carry on living in the mist of great pain? Disappointment drains us of strength.
Christ suffered for us so that we can have great strength and hope in our pain.
Christ was born to carry not just our sins but our pain, wounded, bruised and hung on the cross he suffered great pain, Just for us.
He stood in our place, where we would have been condemned, he was condemned.
Where we would have been shamed, He was shamed.
Where fear lingers he brought release, And in this season of Christmas we have peace in our hearts because we know that there will be purpose in our pain.
This knowledge gives us strength as we wait for his perfect plan, we live in hope because hope in him doesn’t bring shame.
So are you tired of waiting, look to the the manger then the cross, then cling to his grace which he gave when he rose again.
How often have you wondered what’s going on in your life, how did I get here? How am I going to get out of it? How will it all turn out?
It is often the case, going through infertility leaves us with countless questions.
There’s also someone who wondered about what was going on in her life.
Mary was a little girl from a little village she was betrothed to be married and she was suddenly pregnant.
I imagine many a night Mary ponded what was going on with her? She wondered about her future even though the Angel told her she was carrying the saviour, I imagine in a quietness of her heart,
She had to still process it all. She must have faced doubt even as she progressed in her pregnancy
I imagine she was plagued with so many questions. I don’t think the angels kept coming to reassure her, that the child she was carrying is actually the saviour. There were no account of angels coming month after month to encourage her. Mary trusted God and held him to that promise.
I imagine Mary processed what was going on as she looked at her changing body day and night, contended with knowing and questioning looks from those around her. I imagine even Jospeh’s family may have wondered and she may have wondered as well what on earth do they think happened..
Yes, infertility and what Mary experienced are worlds apart, but nevertheless there are some lessons to draw from Mary’s experience:
Have you pondered what’s going on? Worried about knowing looks, about your aging body? Worried about what the future holds and how you will deal with it?
As I have frequently said in this place we don’t know the future, we don’t know how our story will end, all we can do is hold onto God’s promises.
Has he told you anything? Ponder over them. Has he promised you something? Ponder over it and trust Him completely With your future.
Just like Mary let your soul Him for his wonderful promise which will be fulfilled in your life.
In The western world it is reported that lights the will be rationed as the cost of living crisis looms which has affected the cost of living.
What this may entails is that some people might have lights during the day and others during the night.
As one who previously lived in Africa And experience extended period of darkness, both day and night, living Without electricity or being in darkness isn’t pleasant.
I also know having lights, transforms the atmosphere, light give life, brings a spring to one’s steps. Light gives excitement, light makes vision better as everything becomes clearer. Back then in African, whenever light comes back on, our collective mood is transformed, we scream for joy.
The opposite is true when we experience darkness, our joy is decreased, our spirit is down.
This Christmas we have decided to limit the decorations outside our house to just two items . The nativity scene and Angels immediately lit up our front lawn, what a beautiful sight.
Jesus is the true light of Christmas.Jesus in your heart will bring hope and joy.
He said, I am the light of the world, whoever follows me, will never walk in darkness but have the light of life. Jesus in your heart and your situation will replace the dark and gloomy feeling of depression.
Everyone gravitates towards a tiny candle for the light it brings. So let the light of God’s son, shine through you to others. Be a model example for all to see regardless of your situation.
If you make Jesus the Lord of your life he said, those who walk with him we’ll never see darkness.
As a child of God, you will never have to stumble around in darkness, wondering what will be and we can boldly step into our world as light, because we carry the light of life in us Jesus.
We can be encouraged in our situation because we know we carry the light of God that illuminates our darkness and shines in our heart, dispelling every myth and sadness and threatens to drag us down to the lowest debts of darkness.
Your Partner in Hope
This Christmas Celebratory seasonscelebrate Him, as the true light of the world that brings hope.
In most cultures naming a child involves having a sacred ceremony, and with good reason too.
That child will be known and identify with that name all their lives, so the choosing, pondering and meditation over that name is important.
The name will be used by everyone, It will become their identity. Sometimes a name informs others about the origin of a person, where they come from, their heritage and roots, so names are important.
Jesus name was also special. His names were chosen by God, His father, before he was born. John the baptist was also named before his birth.
God didn’t leave it up to Joseph and Mary to name Christ, because Jesus was God in the flesh and God needed a name which reflected who he is and will be for all ages.
One of his names which is comparable to no other names, is the name Alpha and Omega.
I have heard all kinds of names, similar names, replicated names, but not this. Simply because this name is God. Alpha and omega simply means “the beginning, the end and everything in between”.
Why this name? I believe God was speaking to humanity through this name, he was saying, look I know it all. I know what has been “the past”, what will be coming “the future” and everything in between.
In those trying times of miscarriages and failed IVF procedures, His name gave me hope. I was comforted in the knowledge that God knows why, and he is weaving everything in His perfect plan for my life.
I may not know what tomorrow will bring, but I know who does and know that He loves me and wants the best for me. His plans for me are good, not evil.
This knowledge was my solace and comforted me as the years rolled by I became secured in His all knowing nature.
I want to suggest some of God names which you can draw strength from as you wait.
It’s the season of giving and receiving gifts. I have been trying to find the most thoughtful presents for my loved ones and I am sure you are as well.
What will it cost you to do something for someone else? Time, money, your possessions or skills. Going through trying times leaves us focus on ourselves, often too drained to consider giving any of these to others.
I realized this during the most difficult periods of my life, I couldn’t give of myself to anything, I was focused on getting through the stage of infertility, but I knew there were so many in need of my skills and thankfully I decide to keep a journal of my experiences which started faithful wait
Although God freely gives us gifts of love, grace, mercies, forgiveness, protection, provision and love. He makes no demands made of us, because it already cost Him, His Son. It was and remains the most costly gift of all time. The person we now celebrate at Christmas was give. as a gift for many.
His life bought our freedom from sin, sickness, loss, disappointment and gave us a living hope.
His paid once so that we can enjoy his gifts eternally.
So this Christmas consider someone in worse situation than yourself and give them a gift you can afford, or go a step further, give a gift that will cost you something.
Remember Christ promised to surround you with with favor like a shield in the mist of your situation.
He is with you through every circumstance shielding you, so that you can also respond by helping others.
As you receive Gods blessings during this time, and all through the years, find time to share your gift with others.. because what you receive freely cost him everything.
1. keeping a healthy weight. increases ones chances of pregnancy by any method.
According to the NHS, a weight under BMI of over 25 is ideal, they recommend that couples trying to get pregnant work toward achieve a healthy weight. It is thought that an obese woman may have hormonal issues which may impede pregnancy. Follow a healthy exercise and diet plan with your doctor will help you achieve the right weight for your height.
2. it is recommend that adults embark on 150 mins moderate to light mins exercise a week. Exercise activity which increases the heart rate helps to lower blood pressure, fight diabetes and increases a couples chances during IVF.
3. consume coffee in moderation. Some scientific research suggest that women undergoing IVF should consume no more than 3 cups of coffee daily. Too much caffeine can make it difficult to fall pregnant.
4. Start trying early: age plays a huge part in both natural conception and IVF pregnancy. the chances of a woman falling pregnant over 35 declines significantly. It is advise to seek treatment as soon as you start to try without success… The miracle of medicine means that more couples are become parents with the help of donor eggs and adopting. So don’t despair, you can still become a parent.
5. do not smoke, it is though that the quality of egg and sperm is affected by smoking. Before undergoing treatment speak with your doctor on how to quit.
6. Take measures to reduce your stress level. IVF is stressing enough, Being stressful will interfere with both the quality of egg and sperm. incorporate some mediation, yoga, pilates and acupuncture into your daily life to help reduce stress.
Meeting with Team: this is the initial consultation with the clinic to go throughout process.
The process: The woman will be given medication to suppress her normal menstrual cycle. This is usually given for 2 weeks. My first cycle was a nasal spray but the final cycle was an injection which I learned to inject myself. After which step 3 begins
Boosting the egg supply: This will include stimulation of the ovaries to produce more eggs than usual, to increase the number of eggs for fertility. You will be given a fertility hormone called follicle stimulating hormone (FSH). This is also a daily injection you give yourself or your partner can assist if they want to be involved and feel connected to the process. It’s usually for 10-12 days.
Monitoring. you will be monitored while on the FSH, some clinics will scan every 2 days while others maybe twice weekly during the process. The monitoring may be ultrasound scans to monitor the size of the ovaries, blood test or both. The ovaries are usually measured to see how big the eggs are and a final hormone boost may be given 34-38 hours prior to collection.
Collecting the eggs: Eggs are usually collected on days 10 or 12 depending on the sizes/ how well the ovaries have been stimulated. collecting is usually done under local anesthetic where you will be sedated. A needle is passed through the vagina into each ovary under ultrasound guidance. This procedure may take 15-20 minutes. You may experience cramp or light bleeding afterwards.
Fertilizing the eggs: Once the eggs are collected they are mixed with your partners or the donor sperm in the lab. They are checked after 16-20 hours to see if Fertilization has occurred.
In some cases the eggs may be injected individually with a sperm called ICSI.
Egg Monitoring: The embryos are left to continue to grow for 6 days before being transferred into the womb. The best 2 are usually selected to be transferred.
Embryo Transfer: The embargo’s are transferred into the womb using a thin tube called a catheter passed into the vagina. The procedure is quite simple and doesn’t involve any sedation.
Then began the 2 weeks wait. see next post for how to cope.
What would you do for the ones you love? Anything I imagine. Anything which is legal.
I was so touched to read this story of a mum who is pregnant with her grandchild after her daughter’s failed IVF attempts.
Today’s post explore the involvement of others in the journey towards parenthood.
Very often we hear of extra ordinary acts of love and kindness from strangers and we expect such acts from family members as well. But when it comes to child bearing, this is usually the preserve of the couples involved and in some cases, with the help of their fertility clinic.
However, to see a mother step into the gap to help her daughter in this way is really unconditional love on display. It takes the meaning “I will do anything for my child”to a whole new level.
The Seattle Times reported on June the 22nd 2020, of how Ms Loving reached the decision to become a gestation carrier for her daughter.
She’s watched her daughter’s several IVF attempts and seen the suffering , the heart ache caused by multiple rounds of IVFs, miscarriages etc.
Now Mrs Loving is pregnant with the biological baby of her daughter and son-in-law. As her daughter Breanna Lockwood puts it
“She’s the oven”.
So many emotions is involved with being pregnant. To experience them for your daughter and to know you are carrying your grandchild is pretty special.
There are some topics that are rarely discussed openly within the African community, and infertility is one of them.
When a woman gets married, there is often an unspoken expectation that within a few months, news of a pregnancy will follow. For some couples, that may happen quickly. For others, however, the journey is very different.
Behind the smiles, family gatherings, and social occasions can be a silent struggle that many people never see.
The questions begin almost immediately.
“When are you having a baby?”
“What’s taking so long?”
“Is everything okay?”
While these questions may be asked innocently, they can carry a heavy weight. In many cases, the burden of answering them falls almost entirely on the woman.
She bears the silence.
She notices the stares.
She hears the whispers from neighbours, extended family members, and sometimes even those closest to her. She finds herself repeatedly explaining something she may not fully understand herself.
Why is it often the woman who is expected to provide answers?
Why is it the woman who carries the blame?
Whether a couple has been trying for six months, one year, three years, or even longer, the pressure can become overwhelming. The emotional toll affects not only the woman but also the marriage itself. Questions that begin outside the home can eventually find their way inside it.
In many African cultures, motherhood is often seen as a defining milestone for women. As a result, when pregnancy does not happen quickly, assumptions are made. Too often, those assumptions point directly to the woman.
Yet infertility is not exclusively a woman’s issue.
It is a couple’s journey.
Unfortunately, this reality is not always reflected in how our communities respond.
A Prayer of Advent Waiting Lord, in this season of waiting, we look to You with expectancy. The weight we carry is heavy, but the weight of Your glory is light. Your burden is light—help us wear the garment of love and cheerfulness, and let us experience the true love that You brought at Christmas. Light up our hearts. Replace heaviness with joy, sadness with dancing. In this season of waiting, we welcome You— the child of Bethlehem, now the King of Calvary. You who came in humility, come again to our weary souls. You who promised hope, fulfill that promise in us today. As we wait, teach us patience. As we long, deepen our faith. As we prepare, ready our hearts for Your coming. Come, Lord Jesus, Prince of Peace. Come and dwell among us once more. Amen.
I imagine the chaos before Christ was born—there was a census, Joseph and Mary had to travel to be counted. A heavily pregnant Mary had to walk miles, only to arrive and find no room at the inn.
I imagine Joseph feeling helpless, running around trying to draw anyone’s attention: “Look, my wife will give birth any second—can we find her a room?”
I also wonder—did he question if what the angels said was truly real? If this is the Christ, surely things should go smoothly.
Perhaps Mary too was frightened by the uncertainty of what was to come.
The period leading up to Christ’s birth wasn’t perfect.
It wasn’t announced with calm Christmas carols or streets twinkling with lights.
I imagine it was fraught with chaos, uncertainty, and fear.
And that may be your story today—the fear of what’s coming for you, the waiting taking so long. Will it ever be? How will my story end?
We know Christ brought joy. The story ended in victory.
And as you ponder and wonder, just imagine: He is bringing your story to light, aligning it to His perfect plan.
No matter where you are on your journey, I salute you — your steadfastness, your strength, your resilience in the face of pain and uncertainty.
Today in the UK, we celebrate Mother’s Day. The date changes each year, but wherever you are in the world and whatever day it falls on, one thing remains the same: for women who are waiting, the feeling is the same.
For anyone currently waiting to become a mother, celebrating mothers doesn’t always bring joy. Sometimes it does the opposite — it brings tears, isolation, and dread. The quiet fear that perhaps you may never experience being celebrated in that way.
Yet you are an overcomer.
You have overcome the stigma and the shame, the sorrow and the fear, the dread of tomorrow. And you are still here, still moving forward, still becoming more.
So keep your hope alive.
Continue to have faith.
You are an encouragement. A winner. And one day you will tell your story — the story of how you overcame.
Infertility affects many women worldwide, making it difficult to conceive naturally. While it can be an emotionally challenging experience, understanding the possible causes and available treatments can help women navigate their fertility journey. Here, we explore three common causes of infertility in women and the treatment options available.
1. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)
PCOS is a hormonal disorder that affects ovulation. Women with PCOS often have irregular periods or may not ovulate at all due to hormonal imbalances. Other symptoms include excessive hair growth, weight gain, and acne.
Treatment Options:
• Lifestyle Changes: Maintaining a healthy weight through diet and exercise can help regulate ovulation.
• Medications: Doctors may prescribe medications such as Clomiphene or Letrozole to stimulate ovulation.
• Fertility Treatments: If medication does not work, assisted reproductive techniques like in-vitro fertilization (IVF) may be recommended.
2. Endometriosis
Endometriosis occurs when tissue similar to the uterine lining grows outside the uterus, often causing pain, inflammation, and scarring. This condition can block the fallopian tubes or interfere with egg implantation, leading to infertility.
Treatment Options:
• Pain Management: Over-the-counter pain relievers or hormonal treatments like birth control pills can help manage symptoms.
• Surgery: Laparoscopic surgery can remove excess tissue and improve the chances of conception.
• Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART): IVF is often recommended for women with severe endometriosis.
3. Blocked Fallopian Tubes
Fallopian tube blockages prevent the egg from meeting the sperm, leading to infertility. This can result from infections, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), or previous surgeries.
Treatment Options:
• Surgery: In some cases, surgery can remove blockages and restore tubal function.
• IVF: If surgery is not an option, IVF allows fertilization to occur outside the body, bypassing the fallopian tubes.
My Final Thoughts
Infertility can be a challenging journey, but with the right diagnosis and treatment, many women can still achieve their dream of motherhood. If you are struggling with fertility issues, consult a healthcare professional to explore the best options for you.
We are thankful for 2024 and welcome it with hope, faith and vigour.
We put our hopes in God and will trust His perfect plan will infold in 2024.
Heavenly father we ask in your mercies to look favourably upon
us in our moments of trying. Replenish our strength for the journey ahead, recharge our spirits so that when in our weakness your strength will multiply ours.
Guide our paths and lead to places where we can access information, and to professionals with the right solutions.
Help us to demonstrate the virtues and values of love, Joy, generosity, gentleness, faithfulness and kindness in the face of adversity, difficulties and conflicts.
Above all may all our actions leas only to you and reveal who you are in us.
I love the seasons of the year, but my favourite time of the year is Christmas I love the display of lights on lawns across the streets, i love the music its magic brings Joy and warmth.
I love the various shows, theatre, school plays bringing people together, I love the pop up shops, the Christmas fairs, the smell of roasted chest nuts as, with hot chocolate brewing as people gather for a spot of ice skating.
Christmas is definitely the most beautiful time of the year.
As we prepare to relax and celebrate the Birth of our saviour Jesus I just can’t help but look at my life and how he’s blessed me. I am grateful for this and for the cross, because of the cross and his blood I am here today.
As a waiting woman or couple, you maybe thinking this isn’t for me Christmas brings too much reminders of what you don’t have.
I want to encourage you to find something to do this year that will satisfy you.
Volunteer at a Charity, find a community of like minded people and connect with them.
Find joy and peace in believing that God’s gift in the person of Jesus also comes with all your desire and as you continue to wait in expectation, you will receive.
I love Christmas not just because of all the wonder things above, but because I am reminded of God’s wonderful gift of love, His Son, Jesus.
Jesus was born at Christmas, love brought him to earth, he had all of heaven but chooses to come to die to save man from sin.
As we celebrate wherever you are, do not let it become same old time of the year of having a few days off work, eat and drinking pause and think about Christ wonderful coming and embrace him this Christmas.
There is a saying I like “look forward, because you are headed that way”.
If you are a driver, you know that your main focus should in front ahead of you. .
Yes, we occasionally glance at the rear view mirror before making a turn, but mostly we focus on the road ahead.
Infertility is a constant journey of endless glances backwards.
Recounting that one time you sipped a glass of wine or made a horrible mistake which you are too ashamed to speak of, that old relationship where, perhaps if you had been nicer maybe things would have worked out with another partner.
Endless glances backwards.
we take our eyes off the future, and our hopes and instead regrets sets in, trapping us in guilt and misery of the past.
This is what infertility does, it robs you of enjoying simple everyday stuff, as your whole life is engrossed with endless questions of when will I become a mother? When will it be my turn?
It can be so isolating that it seems no one can comprehend the depts of your pain.
My encouragement for you today is to keep looking forward, look unto Jesus, your maker and creator who made you and knows your inner most desires.
He put those desires there, keep bringing them to him and look up to him. He will respond to your cries for help with Grace and mercy.
He is the author of your story and the finisher of it .
Waiting is part of life, everyone has had to wait or currently waiting or will wait for something significant to come into their lives.
The wait can be about anything, it maybe long or short and often leads to impatience the longer it takes.
Sometimes we wait with friends or a family member comes along to hold our hands or provide that physical, emotional or morals support.
A&E waiting rooms are pictures of pain and misery. People all waiting to be seen for their issues to be addressed.
Who is in the waiting room with you during your waiting period/season?
in His day Jesus was found in unusual places places, he hung out with prostitutes,
with tax collectors, those regarded as extortionist, with women (the woman at the well), and in street coner preaching.
if Jesus was living in our world today he certainly would have been found in fertility waiting rooms.
Jesus is no stranger to hunting people, the centurion whose child was ill, the woman with the issue of blood. He was drawn to the sick and down trodden, the ostracised and outcast.
The waiting room of any infertility clinic is an extremely high anxiety, fear, and pain depository . I used to just scan the faces of those waiting with me. Its amazing the mask we put on.
Our dear Lord and Saviour is a hugger, he would have been in the waiting room with waiting couples, hugging, holding and whispering hope and peace . I imagine he is there right now with you. Lean on him, trust in him and hope in him for your miracle.
He knows what you need and will bring it to pass in His own time.
